Ok, so this post is about crying.
And the title is something I never thought I’d be able to say (let alone write about).
Not because I don’t cry. The opposite actually. I cry a lot. Of frustration, of anger, of emotional pain, of nostalgia, of joy and for no reason. I cry in front of people and by myself.
And I have always hated that about me.
I found myself weak, a cry-baby, too emotional. And I didn’t see any use in all my crying. After all, once I was done feeling (mostly) sorry for myself, nothing would have changed. My problem would still be there, life would still be the same. Why did I do this? Why was I making life so hard for myself? Why would I do something so unnecessary?
I had carried these questions with me for most of my life.
Society and dictionaries were giving me the feeling that crying belonged in the ‘negative action-category’ as well. Showing vulnerability and talking about crying aren’t regular conversation topics after all.
However, this year, I was confronted with this issue a lot in the open. I talked to people who wished they could cry more. And I remember staring at them in disbelief? Why would you want to do that?! Why would you want to seem so weak? Weren’t they happy they seemingly had life under control?
And then things changed. I was staying at a hippie volunteer placement. Imagine 25 travelers from all over the world put together in an old barn. Lots of emotions guaranteed. So I actually cried in front of people. It wasn’t my first time for sure but I slowly and through painful embarrassment, in the beginning, learned that it was OK. Because people weren’t judging me. They were mostly comforting and proud that things were spoken that others didn’t dare to speak and released through tears.
And despite many times when I didn’t feel relief at first, I slowly started to put my attention towards this. Really allowing myself to cry for emotional release. And then also stop, when it was enough instead of crying endlessly when I was younger, just because wailing in sorrow somehow felt comforting and easier than stopping.
These days I’m not asking myself the question ‘Why am I so weak and why am I crying so much” anymore. Rather I’m stating to myself
‘I need to release some trapped emotions, so hello tears, let’s wash them away‘.
And this has been such a life-changer!! Why? Because now I can feel the power in my tears. And my crying is less ‘wailing in sorrow’ but more of a release just as when you stretch your muscles.
Maybe you have experienced crying while exercising? It might just be me, but after a good yoga session, lying in Shavasana or a profound meditation, I can often feel that emotional release and it feels great.
My question to you is: Can you embrace your own crying? And acknowledge it. And know that a minute later you can and are allowed to smile if you feel like it 🙂